I feel like that right now, at this point in my life. I feel like I have to keep shuffling my foot forward, one step at a time, even though I have no energy to move. Ever felt that way before? Yeah. Let's shuffle ahead together, one step at a time.
Trying to find "real work" sucks. I'm under no delusions that I'll be that one-in-a-million writer who makes it big with their book. And hey, I'm totally okay with just us having our time together. I like it better this way. Feels more like we're conspirators, hiding in a good book together and relishing it in a way the masses never knew. Cozy! I love cozy.
But if you're not going to be making bank off your book, you've got to do something else to put bread on the table--or, in my case, casseroles on the table.
The problem is, I had this whole scheme while I was going to college: I was going to finish my English degree, get a job at a publishing company, and work with books while writing my books. It was the perfect plan. Untiiiiil it all fell apart.
I never got a job at a publishing company. I tried over and over and over again. But even at the places where I thought for sure I had an in--I knew someone who had worked there before, and I knew he'd put in a good word for me--all I met with was rejection. Rejection sucks, too.
I'd put all my hopes on that one plan. I didn't have a Plan B. And honestly, I feel like I don't really have any other skills to offer the "real jobs" out there. I go through job description after job description, and I don't have the skills needed for them. I don't know APA style formatting. I don't know Marketing or Journalism practices. I didn't want to learn them. That wasn't what made my life come alive. Writing does. Books do. Stories do. That's all I wanted out of life.
No Plan B.
So... I feel a little lost in this sea of people called "life." It's crowded and loud and cacophonous. I'm packed in so close in this hustling bustle that it's getting hard to breathe.
But I know I can't give up. I have to keep shuffling forward. I've got to shove my way through the crowd and follow the path God wants for me.
All I can do is look up, take a deep breath, and keep pushing ahead however I know how.
And maybe reach out and shout to a friend now and then when I really can't move another inch.
Photo by SplitShire. Originally posted on Pixabay.com.
From Him, To Him